Kayden Day 55

Had his 2nd dose of hep b injection yesterday at hougang polyclinic.

So stupid of me forgetting to bring his milk bottle. Bring everything except milk bottle. Luckily he managed to survive 3hrs without milk. Poor thing.

I am training him to drink milk 3hrs apart now. So it is easier to manage when i go work. Slowly 4hrs apart. Now the max he drink is 110ml only. Once he can finish at least 120ml then mayb can 4hrs apart.

I took care of him almost the whole day and i am so tired now. When he smile, i told him very soon nobody going to take care of him and he has to go infant care le. Somehow, i think he knows and i feel he is more 乖 now.

I am in a dilema whether to put him in infant care after the money episode. I hope someone we know can take care of him at least i know he is in good hands. Infant care i dunno what will happen and more prone to sickness. But for now, nobody wants to take care. I am very sad. Why others are so willing and some are just money minded.

I will feel happier if my money is spent in good usè and willingly. I hate loan shark and people who turn around their words. Why do i have to 看你的脸色过日子.

I have eyes to see and ears to hear. Somethings already said and i have heard will never be forgotten. I will not mention or repeat to you but i will never forget in my heart.

I remind myself i will not follow your terrible footsteps because that is something the worst M can do. You are not a kid, you should know sometimes when things are said and done, you cannot erase it like a rubber. You are a pen and i am a eraser. U wrote alot on my book since young and that is something eraser cannot be rubbed off because you are a pen and not a pencil.

All i can say is people asked and say u will miss sg and family if u go US. I think that is the least thing i will miss. Because u r the reason that make me wanna leave asap.

I cry not because i am cry baby, but because i am upset that everytime this happen to me again and again so long as we lived together. I cant change you, i can only change my life.