Whenever i open the drawn down blinds beside my bed and look at the view outside lying on my bed, i recall all the sweating sticky painful smelly confinement 1 month on my bed from 13 June to 10 July 2015.
The moments where i only used cloth to wipe my body with my husband's help and using herb water and he helping me to do a saloon type hair wash from my basin on 1 week basis.
Then i recall my painful experience on the bed using cooling ice pads but only can last for most 20mins. But it is heaven feeling. And the feeling where i dont know when will the pain come back all over again.
And the trying to pump but very little milk experience and having to wash all the pump for that little small amount of milk.
Then i recall myself having to sit on my bed with the milk ready to feed baby kayden the moment he make any noise for milk. I sit on my bed until i almost fall aslp. Sometimes i gauge the time and make milk in advance and put it into the avent thermal bag so that i can feed him almost immediately.
Those tiring moments waking up so early and in the middle of the nights for many times on the milk feeding.
Yes, i do miss the moments and sometimes scared of the moments. But it is something worth going through to make a perfect family. My husband and my son is the 2 whom i dont want to lose in my entire life.
If i can choose, i hope we can stay together for as long as we lived.
If i cant choose, let me go first so that i can watch you all from heaven.
I love you.
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